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Monday, December 05, 2005

Stream of Conscious

I don't have something in mind to write about. I just wanted to talk to anybody. You all know I am here "away from home" and away from family & friends as well. I am so lonely … so miserable … so sad.

I thought of quitting blogging for a while as I am feeling down now, and I don't want to bother the bloggers with reading pessimistic posts full of tears and sorrow.
The only thing that stopped me from quitting is that you are the only people I can talk to. Although I am living in a virtual world, it is still better than my real vacant world. I am asking you to try to tolerate me these days. I know I am not a good company, but I can't help it. I decided to stop commenting in your blogs till my mood is better. I don't want to have a negative influence on you. I will start commenting when I feel I am not a burden anymore, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, maybe never … who knows!!!

It is past midnight now, my son is sleeping and I am home alone. I need to talk to anybody, anybody ya rab… I am all alone.

Why sometimes life becomes soooooo tough. Why can't we live in peace? I always see the statement "Rest in Peace, RIP", but I never saw "Live in Peace". Is peace becoming an issue related only to dead people?

Maybe if I kill my heart, then I will Live in Peace, LIP. What do we need our heart, our emotions, and our feelings for? It is much better to use our MIND. People can hurt your heart but never your mind.

Long time ago, a friend told me, "Love yourself, you are the most important person in any relation". I am sorry I didn't listen to her… I should have listened… I am always MY last priority … People comes in the first place and I come at the end of the list.
Today, I discovered how stupid I am. When YOU put YOURSELF at the end of the list, you will REMAIN there forever. No one will care to put you at the top or even the middle of the list. No one will care…

I am sorry guys, I know I am such a pain in the neck, bas ma3lish, you are the only people I talk to these days.
Bear with me my stupidity and negative attitude and pray for me please.

* Special thanks to Around the Clock & Dalulla, you proved to me that there are still good people in this world – el donia lessa be.7air.

Posted by Wonderer :: 1:48 AM :: 20 comments

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