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Sunday, September 18, 2005

TO BE OR NOT TO BE

Have you ever felt depressed for no reason?! Have you felt that nothing is going in the right direction, although nothing has changed to give you that impression? I used to be a very active person, working in the morning and having my post-graduate studies in the afternoon. I used to be very ambitious, the sky was my limit. Then everything has changed.

I got married, traveled to an Arab country with no job opportunities at all, stayed at home to perform my duties as a decent house-wife. Now I am 31 years old, married for about 6 years, during which I did nothing at all. On my 30th birthday, I felt so much depressed, not because I am getting old but because I felt that I achieved nothing during these past 6 years. Some people considered that getting married and having a family is an achievement itself. However, I say that even a CAT can raise a family, that doesn't make me special.

I searched eagerly for a job in this country but it was in vain. The problem is that I am living in a small governorate and not in the Capital. It resembles el-Suez or el-Sma3ilia in Egypt. I also tried working from home, like a translator or something, but that was difficult too. I tried part-time jobs, freelancing, everything including starting my own business… but all my efforts were useless.

Finally, I got a job offer two months ago. I was asked to work as a school teacher for kindergarten. Although, I didn't like the idea of teaching to kids, however, I didn't mind, coz that was the only choice I had. I went for an interview, and they accepted me and asked to start working tomorrow the 19th. To make the long story short, I discovered that the people there are totally disorganized, irresponsible and unqualified. I felt pissed off during my first confrontation with the management. Moreover, the salary was very frustrating (however, this is not the issue). To conclude, I kicked the whole opportunity in its teeth.

Now, I am confused, was what I did right or wrong? Was that "batar 3ala el ne3ma". I got a chance … and I just blow it.

The problem is that I felt that teaching KG is far from being ambition!! However, is it better than staying at home, better than nothing?!!

Can you advise me of something??

Posted by Wonderer :: 5:27 PM :: 7 comments